tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6851448459618487484.post8694252401619835853..comments2013-11-28T09:28:12.029-08:00Comments on One fine day: A Safe Pair of HandsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972049290586377462noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6851448459618487484.post-17510086834547543052012-11-15T09:28:38.938-08:002012-11-15T09:28:38.938-08:00I have had the same thoughts. This story is cumbe...I have had the same thoughts. This story is cumbersome and apart from the structure which will have to stay, I can see that some elementary subbing is called for. I keep thinking about new ways of tackling these flash fictions. I appreciate your intersest and find it encouraging as well as helpful. The search for form is one of the things which keeps me going. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06972049290586377462noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6851448459618487484.post-89152532034788341942012-11-15T07:20:47.722-08:002012-11-15T07:20:47.722-08:00This is an excellent story but it has to wrestle w...This is an excellent story but it has to wrestle with a detail I've become only too familiar with: complex verb tenses. This is not a fault as such nor are there any tense errors as far as I can see, but I for one find it hard to manage. The first two paras contain a fair selection, the result of how you've chosen to tell the story. A straightforward linear account can often simplify things, but at the expense of richness; on the other hand lack of linearity can make it difficult for the reader to recognise where he is in time. For me the clues are often to be found in "had" and "would" verb constructions. As a result my stories tend to include more dialogue than yours (I think) even though this brings with it the requirement that the dialogue itself must be interesting, not simply a device for avoiding summary. An obvious topic for the Retreat but I think we also need to bring a couple of samples to examine the full effect. Roderick Robinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16828395545197001637noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6851448459618487484.post-19790615018582137222012-11-11T00:53:05.058-08:002012-11-11T00:53:05.058-08:00A story as much about laughter as about hash. Very...A story as much about laughter as about hash. Very much enjoyed it.Lucashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07642126053527835870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6851448459618487484.post-61990464516457227072012-11-09T09:24:24.974-08:002012-11-09T09:24:24.974-08:00So glad he came out unscathed! I was chuckling alo...So glad he came out unscathed! I was chuckling along with him.Lucyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09764296105901909328noreply@blogger.com